No Viva La Card Snappers

So there I am, in my little car, eating a little cup of fruit and hoping just a little that Matt will get off work early so that we can party hardy. But for now, I'm alone in a big city, with no map quest directions (Who leaves their hotel without mapquest directions?? Who I tell you.), and just a large old paper map of Vegas. I spin the map around in my hands hoping that a little man might hop out of the map and tell me where to go but instead I just keep turning and turning, "Charleston, Charleston, Where's Charleston.....Where the heck am I????". The solution may just come once my belly is full. So I keep chomping on my peaches, staring at the map, chomping and staring.

Bam! revelation! I know where I'm going! I roll my window down (because unfamiliar cities are always better with the windows down) and a wave of heat hits me and I smell mexican food and dirty socks and keep pressing on (I hope all of Vegas doesn't smell like this).

All day I wander around, from street to street, but my goals were not the usual goals of tourists, no no, they were to go to every thrift store in Vegas (yes you may say it, I am a PARTY ANIMAL). Salvation Army (is pure awesomeness), Goodwill (makes me cry with joy), Savers (is overrated), Savers (Is overpriced), Savers (Is huge) Goodwill (some more). I now have filled the car with a GIANT bag of stuff that I only shelled out a whopping twenty buckaroos for. I feel the sweet burn of success and when I pick Matt up, I proudly present the loot. He laughs and we make our way to the strip...and that was the last of our happiness.

See this Matt, he's not such a fan of Vegas. So I was out to prove him wrong, I told him we'd have fun, see shows, take funny pictures. So we park and start meandering and we get to our first cross walk....big mistake. These tiny little men with neon green shirts start coming towards us, clicking their cards together, and shoving their cards in our hands, the sidewalk is completely covered with the cards. What are these mysterious cards I wonder? I take a glance and see filth, total filth with terrible with pictures of nude girls on them that say, "Girls directly to you." (or something unremarkable and stupid)

I'm completely filled with anger, "This is my husband your trying to give these cards to" I think in my head. "Your handing these out to little children!" my mind screams. We keep pushing our way through the crowd hoping that we can escape the reach of the pushy neon men. I considered taking their huge stack of cards and do something drastic like throw them in trash but decided that might be a little too bold so I just quicken my step. Finally we make our way to get our tickets to Cirque De Soleil and their sold out (sold out? sold out???). So we ask what tickets are left, "Playboy is having a comedy skit." oh why yes please, because we haven't had enough porn shoved in our face yet. We walk away defeated and the rest of our night was spent walking through the pushy neons, clicking their cards like a little field of crickets

I'll just put it nicely and say the best part of the day was eating nutella ice cream and playing I spy with street performers (best entertainment of the night, I REALLY need to know how to get a hold of a transformer suit.)

 

So the rest of the trip we steered clear from the strip, ate ourselves some sushi and got the heck out of there. Sorry guys, but I am no longer a fan of Vegas. We're not going back any time soon.