Justa Shrimp

There are a few things in a person's life where they completely deserve unadulterated bragging rights. I mean rub it in your face, talk about it for a month, never let you forget what they went through bragging rights. 

1. You birth a child from your netherparts. I obviously am uneducated in this matter....but! I totally saw a pregnancy on video in my seventh grade science class and have cried myself to sleep every night since...so...I have a sure knowledge that moms deserve bragging rights.

2. You break your femur in half. I don't know, I just heard that it's the worst pain in the world from Brian Regan. And we all know that Brian Regan speaks the straight up truth, I mean out of the mouth of babes truth (okay if you don't know who Brian Regan is hastily repent and then go listen to him).

3. You were announced dead...only to come back to life a minute later. Yes, I really know someone that this happened to (Oh hey Rix, how you been?).

If you are listed in the above, please go brag to everyone you know about how awesome you are and then go get a stamp on your tough card (I hear if you get 10 stamps you can get a free Domino's pizza... probably.)

The thing is, when you are in conversation with these people, what do you say back when they tell you about this. 

Mr. Laz A. Rus "Oh no big deal...I came back to life after I was dead and stuff."

Da Shrimp "Man I know how that is, once I thought my hamster had died and come back to life, turns out he was just sleeping."

or maybe

Mr Tough "Yeah I just can't describe the pain when you break your femurs in half"

Da Shrimp "I'm sure it's like that time when I stepped on a nail in my backyard, by the way I cried, just so you know."

or just possibly

Mrs. Birthababy "You want to hear about a miracle, I was at deaths door...and then the baby crowned."

Da Shrimp "I love crowns. I got a crown when I played pretty princess with my sisters once."

Conclusion. There is no adequate response to these people. 

But good news. These things don't happen often, so you can usually count on not having to come up with awkward responses.

So imagine my chagrin (are you proud that I might have used that word correctly?? Are ya?) when I get a text from my main girl April that reads.

"So turns out I got bit by a black widow yesterday...all I know is that it was worse than labor."

Bam slam double whammy....worse than labor????

Alright April, bring on the bragging. You deserve it, just don't cringe at my responses. 

I've prepared a few just in case...you know because preparedness is next to godliness (or some weird saying like that).

April "Man can you believe I could have died from that had I not gone to the ER a second sooner."

Da Shrimp "I find it strange that we immediately assume ER is emergency room and not Elmo's Red."

Apriil "Yeah the pain was worse than labor...I didn't think there was anything worse than labor."

Da Shrimp "I know what you mean, I didn't think there was anything worse than that peanut butter jelly song and then Rebecca Black's Friday song got all famous."

So my friends, I'll make a deal with you. You write a comment about something that deserves to be bragged about and I'll write you my bestest most awkwardest response in all the land. Ready...go!

*oh also. There's a few new items in the shop. Go check them out, nothings over $15 in there so......incentive no?