Can You Believe It?!

 (Sorry these pictures are really grainy, they were taken at like 11 at night and I really didn't want to use a flash:))

Jocelyn turned 4 weeks old...holy cow I blinked and she is already a month old?! This month has been such a blur, I think it's the sleep deprivation, or the fact that all I could do was manage to stare at my baby for a month straight or the fact that life completely changed in an instant. Okay I have no idea what it is.

But what everyone says is totally true, you forget just how terrible delivery is right away. I caught myself telling someone yesterday that it really wasn't bad at all. I mean I was lucky to have a relatively easy delivery my first time but by no means was it a walk in the park. I've come to the conclusion that labor is really really hard...but having a newborn is a whole new level of hard, your life completely changes overnight and you have absolutely no idea what your doing, and I think to be able to handle all of the new demands put on you, you completely forget what you just did so that you can focus on the new really really hard thing you have to do. Does that make sense?

Where was I. Ah yes, having a newborn is hard. Anyways, here's what the first 4 weeks of having Jocelyn have been like for me. The good, the amazing and the ugly.

1. You are so so happy but paranoid, you literally stay awake all night staring at your baby just to make sure she's still breathing, but it's okay because holy cow you could stare at her all day.
2. You just can't function anymore so you start to sleep at night, but surprise your baby thinks night time is day time so it's party time!!
3. Getting the hang of breastfeeding is quite the ordeal (I need an entire post for this one, fah real), the thought of having to breastfeed again makes you want to cry, but lets be real the thought of anything and everything makes you want to cry right now, you're leaking at ridiculous rates, the word latch comes out of your mouth like 40 times a day and you've made it to a nick name basis with your lactation consultant.
4. You wake up with baggy eyes completely exhausted after only getting a few hours of sleep. The thought of even just four hours of sleep sounds completely magical!!Getting ready for the day seems like a total joke because your newest accesorie is the spit up on your shoulder and down your back and....is that poop on your hand...hmmm oh well sleep is more important than washing it off.
5. "Aint nobody got time for that" takes on a whole new meaning. Shower? Forget it. Lunch? If you're lucky enough to remember. The top knot is now your best friend and you're debating just buzzing your head because the little one is ripping it out by the mini handful anyway!
6. And then one night your baby completely calms down just from hearing your voice and you melt. You completely melt and it's all worth it.
7. Wash rinse and repeat steps 2-5.
8. And then she smiles, not just half a smile but a full faced "I just went to Disneyland for the first time smile, and really it's just so worth it and awesome....but you'd still really love to sleep again someday soon and not have your boobs hang like udders anymore.

I warned you. Amazing and ugly all at the same time:)