How The Bachelorette Ruined all Things Holy...Even The Muppets

Aaaand round two.

 

1.Chris’ muppet laugh made me want to roll up in a fetal position and cry for my mom, and then slap Harrison for ruining my sacred Muppets.

 

2.What was up with Emily, “Oh I’m so worried about dancing….I’m not much of a dancer.” And then lo and behold her big “dance” turned out to be her standing in one place and popping her knee in and out for 10 minutes straight. Puke.

 

3. Muscle man/date one…I don’t even care if I know his name, because he so won’t be around much longer, but did anyone feel so terrible for him when they baked cookies for the soccer team and then Emily made him wait in the car while Emily delivered the cookies. And he looked like a total creeper peeking out of the car while she delivered the cookies.

 

4. I really like Charlie, I mean he’s not cute at all, but he pretty much broke my heart with his fear of speaking in public. He’s a little puppy….okay a giant puppy that could break me in half with his Schwarzenegger neck…but still a puppy okay.

 

5. Leave it to The Bachelorette to ruin my favorite Muppet Kermit, only they could turn Kermie into a desperate perv.

 

6. Jersey boy once again proved to be entertaining for week two! Thanks for the awkward middle school two step dance Jersey boy. Now will someone please explain to me why he’s STILL HERE!!

 

7. Poor date two guy had spit on his chin for at least fifteen minutes. I COULD.NOT.STOP.STARING.

 

8. I’m just going to put this out there but Emily’s date two dress was TERRIBLE. Her little bedazzles looked like grapes hanging on a vine from her belly button and then continued to linger on to protect her….must I say…. loins??? Perhaps a chastity belt for an overprotective mom?

 

9. That 10 page letter (okay it was actually 7 pages I counted) KILLED ME DEAD! Using “furthermore” in a love letter man…rookie move, it sounded more like a contract to me than a confession of love. Why don’t you just throw in a “heretofore” and an “in addition to” to make you sound real legit and smart saucy man. Also, making that poor guy stand there while she read all.seven.pages. He’s a sauce face. Can we just all agree and de-rose him please?

 

10. In addition to my previous statement I heretofore declare this season of The Bachelorette to be hopeless…and boring. Furthermore, the race car driver is the only one that I think has a flying rats chance.